Confessions of the "White" Black Girl
“You’re such an oreo!”
“Ugh, you’re so proper.”
“Hey little white girl.”
These are just a few statements I’ve received as greetings over the course of my 27 years of life. Growing up, I’ve always known that I was a little different. While I could always see that I marched to the beat of my own drum, it wasn’t until middle and high school that the differences were magnified. For grades 6-12, I attended a fine arts magnet school. In my hometown, this school was considered the cream of the crop; some of the city’s brightest and most talented students could call Davidson Fine Arts home. While I repped DFA pride all day 24/7/365, I would be crazy to think that that didn’t come with preconceived notions about my character and personality, outside of the color of my skin. Because this school was often considered a “white” school, I would often be categorized as a white girl trapped in a black person’s body. Unfortunately, I started hearing these stereotypes so often, I began to believe them myself and even began identifying myself as these derogatory names. Instead of seeing the beauty in being well-rounded and being introduced to new ideologies and thinking, I believed that I had to tuck these things away and attempt to “act black” (What can I say? I was a drama student after all). I was scared to be my true self and would cover it up by the things I said, wore, and listened to. I would often say I was the whitest black girl with the most ghetto name (Shauntia Wansha…thanks mom!). I can even remember being a part of a group of friends that identified ourselves as “coons” and wore that label with pride; I can thank Facebook memories for these not so wonderful reminders. Of course, being teens we didn’t really understand the true offense of calling each other that and only considered it a fun, crazy term of endearment; however, looking back as an adult, that was definitely not the best decision.
Even to this day, I still get my black card revoked on several occasions for not liking sweet tea or watermelon, or not watching one of the “Black movie classics” (I may or may not have watched Baby Boy for the first time in its’ entirety just a couple of months ago). Just last weekend, I was told “You’re a white girl, we just painted you black”. While these illogical statements don’t do as much damage as they have in the past to my confidence and self-esteem, I am often annoyed as to why these characterizations are okay to say to someone. Why do traits like proper subject-verb agreement and carrying yourself in a dignified manner automatically screams superiority, specifically compared to those of the white persuasion? Why can’t I be black and prefer to listen to Emily King instead of DaBaby? Who said all black people had to be the same?
I said all of that to say, I completely understand that this mindset have been embedded in the black culture for years. I’m sure we have all been guilty of calling our black friend or family member “white” for something that they’ve done that doesn’t align with how we feel a black person should be. However, as a people, we have to stick together and support one another in all aspects.
If you have found yourself in a situation in which you are the individual projecting negative ideals on your fellow friend, again, please understand that you are not alone. Learn to embrace the differences of others without making an attack. Let’s try to educate ourselves on ideologies we may not understand before making a comment. Ask questions for clarity. Think twice before saying something that could come off as offensive to others. Encourage those who “go against the grain” to stand firm in what and who they are.
For those like me who have been considered that Oreo or misunderstood, please know that you are all of that and a bag of chips with your unique self! You don’t have to change who you are to fit in; those who are committed to being in your circle will love you and accept you for who you are. Also take into consideration that many times when these things are said, it is often coming from a place of a lack of knowledge and/or other insecurities. And if you are ever in a predicament where it makes you feel uncomfortable, don’t hesitate to speak up and express how it makes you feel. Don’t let anyone tell you that you are “too this” or “too that” to be black. No preference, choice, personality, or characteristic can change the color of your skin. It’s time to break the cycle and love us (ALL) for real!
Care to share your experience? Let me know in the comments below!