My First Love
“I’ve loved you since I was 11 years old. And the sh*t just won’t go away”.
Same Monica girl, same.
He was the one my adolescent heart wanted to spend forever with; the perfect verse over a tight beat. If you can’t tell, this dark chocolate, neck braid wearing, basketball loving young thing had me gone. Let’s take it back to the moment I fell in love for the very first time.
I remember it like it was yesterday. It was my first day of teen summer camp. I was finally one of the big kids and left my elementary ways behind me. I’m in the gym talking to a group of girls about the only thing that mattered at that time: boys. You know how it goes: the cuties, the not so cute ones, who we wanted to sit by at the movie theater later in the week. He caught my eye mid-conversation. It’s like God parted the clouds (or in this case, a group of sweaty musty boys) and shined a light on Mr. *Devin*. My hands got all sweaty, my glasses started falling, and all of a sudden I wished I would’ve spent just a little more time getting dressed that morning. Who wants to meet the love of their life in an Aeropostale shirt and bermuda shorts?! I could’ve at least thrown on my rhinestone covered denim skirt for a little razzle dazzle or something. Sheesh. That moment in the gym solidified who would be my summertime boy toy…and then some.
The summer was wonderful and it was very obvious that the attraction was mutual. You could find us sneaking little love taps every chance we were close enough to touch. Throwing digs and being mean to each other solidified our infatuation. Being the shy girl that I was, I never brought up my feelings to him. The whole summer passed by without a word from me or him about being boyfriend and girlfriend. It just kind of was what it was. And that lasted summer after summer.
By the third summer, I figured enough was enough. I wanted Devin and clearly he wanted me. At this point everybody knew what it was between us (even the staff) and was just waiting for the moment we would make it official. It was time to put on my big girl panties and ask the question, “Are you my man or not”?!
NOT.
He let me know that he liked me and all, but because of our teen camp stardom, he feared that our relationship would be everyone’s business and he wasn’t ready for that level of commitment. Boy what?! First of all, what 13 year old boy has that mentality and secondly bump these other kids! While I wanted to cry my little eyes out while I blasted JoJo on my MP3 player, I had to remain strong and unbothered. So I replied with a “Okay, cool” and went on about my little teenage business.
The feelings grew as the years passed; I mean how could they not when you’re watching this boy turn into a man right in front of your eyes? It was something to see the Girbaud jeans and those little laffy taffy arms turn muscular, with those beautiful veins popping out up and down his forearms (My God today). Although we knew that we weren’t going to be a thing, that didn’t stop us from kissing thru the phone, hanging out outside of camp, giving each other annoying pet names, or turning those innocent love taps into…. Well you get the point. What I’m trying to say is, he never became the Usher to my Alicia Keys, but that didn’t stop us from being heavily involved in each other’s life. Even as I’m writing this, I can’t help but to reminisce about our little teenage love affair.
Devin was my first love, first real kiss, first heartbreak and pretty much everything in between. I think we were the poster kids of situationships back then, or maybe we were simply just two kids who almost, but could never get it right (because we all know that almost doesn’t count). Either way, I’m grateful.
So Devin, if you’re out there listening (well, reading), thank you. Thank you for being the beef jerky to my cupcake and teaching me about love. I will forever cherish our little puppy love.
Do you remember your first love? Let me know in the comments below!