Do You Believe in Magic?
Three weeks ago you couldn’t tell me that the minute the clock struck 12 on my 30th birthday life just wasn’t gonna magically change for the better. Bank account loaded. Closet filled with new clothes. And finally someone to fill this man shaped hole in my heart. News flash: Everything is still the same. How did I find myself here? Chile, let’s dig into it!
Can you imagine being in Vegas, at Usher’s after party surrounded by a good time and yet you’re standing by the bar while your feelings are feeling? Chile, that was me feeling as lonely as can be while I was supposed to be getting my ENTIRE life. As I saw couples to the left and the right of me, I had the strongest urge to just be in the arms of a beautiful black man. The problem was, I didn’t have one to call my own. I remember calling an Uber to take me back to the hotel so I can sit in bed and eat greasy food as I poured my heart out to my best friend. The truth is, while I’m okay with life not playing out like I thought it would, I still have moments where I impatiently desire the life I’m planning to live one day. I know it’s coming but sometimes I want my man, my kids, and the good life NOW. There are moments that I just want to be loved and coming back home, I thought I was on the cusp of that.
After the dust settled from my trip, I decided to give love a try, the 30 year old Tia way. There’s a guy I’ve been sorta kinda dealing with for the past few months. I don’t know if it was my feelings talking or an actual logical decision, but we agreed to just do us: no titles, no pressure, just seeing where life will naturally take us in the romance department. It was good for about a week, then it hit the fan. Once again I found myself on the receiving end of the “I’m not ready for a relationship, this is moving too fast” talk. Twenties Tia would have been used to this, but 30 year old Tia? She’s above this. She’s older, wiser, and too smart to be dealing with men that don’t know what they want. Well that’s what I thought anyway. After about three days of being all in my feels, my best friend gave me the pep talk that I needed to hear. She reminded me that 30 is just a number. The magic isn’t in the age, it’s in the change of mentality.
Yes, I want love and I definitely want to break the vicious cycle that I’ve found myself in time and time again when it comes to romance, but I can’t beat myself up for not doing things the “right way”. Contrary to what I believed, there is no “right way”; it’s only my way. I may have found myself in a less than ideal situation, but I handled it better than I would have in the past, and that’s what counts. One day I will have my happily ever after, but until then, I will take it a day at a time and embrace the magic of love when it comes.