Experiences from Heartbreak Hotel
This month marks 2 years of being single! Everyday has not been sunshine and rainbows, but I am happy to say the good definitely outweighs the bad. Today, I’m sharing with you 5 things my visit at the Heartbreak Hotel taught me, and how I gracefully made a comeback that led to a better version of me!
Two halves does not equal a whole.
To be perfectly honest with ya’ll, I did not have any business in a relationship at that time in my life. I was a mess internally. I can’t speak for him (I would put him at a disadvantage in doing so), but knowing what I know about myself, I wasn’t whole as a person, which in turn put a strain on the relationship. Looking back, I unfairly placed spoken and unspoken “rules” on the relationship all in hopes to keep up this persona that we were the “perfect” couple doing things the “right” way. I didn’t realize until after the fact that I was looking to him to make me feel and look “whole” instead of looking to the Only One who can really do the healing and transformation that I desperately needed.
Be honest with yourself
The Holy Spirit, gut feeling, instinct, (or whatever you believe in) does not lie! There were red flags prior to the relationship beginning and even through the course of it; moments that made me go “hmm, maybe that’s not quite right”. Even though I realized these signs, I kept silent about them for fear of losing out on the chance of being taken. I could have saved myself a ton of tears, frustration, and stress if I would have been true to myself and go in the direction I knew was best for me. In retrospect, I take this as a lesson learned and do better next time.
A relationship does not guarantee marriage
Ushers, pass the collection plate.
LISTEN. As a young Christian girl, I was under the impression that my next relationship would be my last and six months to a year after the perfect courtship I would be driving off in the sunset with my one and only true love. How desperately wrong I was! I’m not saying that this can’t happen or didn’t happen for someone else, that just wasn’t my testimony. I did myself a disservice by having that mindset. A lot of that had to do with trying to fit my foot in the shoe that was created by someone else. Of course nothing is wrong with desiring marriage, but I discovered that I can’t desire it so much that I try to force it on the first relationship/person I come in contact with.
Take your time
I can’t stress this enough! In my last relationship we were not friends beforehand. We met and started dating all in a matter of three months. Take it from me, it’s hard to focus on building a relationship when you are focused on figuring out who the other person is at the same time. Now I understand why it’s often said the best relationships are between people who were friends first. It’s okay to go at your own pace. It’s also okay to not have a timeline that we all so desperately try to stick too. Taking time also goes for holding hands, kissing, meeting parents, becoming social media official, etc. Of course opinions will be flying from everywhere, but you and the other person have to set the tone for your own relationship. Things get better with time; allow yourself time that the both of you need to figure out where the relationship is going (and when) , or if a relationship is even the next step.
Know who you are
In my last relationship, I found myself taking on certain characteristics that the other person carried. They weren’t necessarily bad per se, they simply just in a sense went against who I was before the relationship, and even now two years after the fact. Once again, I think self-inflicted fear played a major role in picking up those habits. I see now that if I’m not confident in who I am before entering a relationship, a relationship is probably not the best decision at that time. I can openly admit that I lost myself in those few months; it took me even longer to bounce back. I felt like I had to start from scratch to become a better version of myself. Truthfully I feel like it is a continuous process. Even now, I find out something new about myself every single day. I’m figuring out better ways to love, cherish, and respect me.
Heartbreak is a part of life. When you’re in it, you feel like life just can’t go on. I, too felt that way for a little while after my breakup. Now that I’m two years into it, I can say life WILL go on, and dare I say, gets better. Weeping may (and will) endure for a night, but joy truly will come in the morning.
What has a breakup taught you? Let me know in the comments!